Co-Parenting Can Be Beautiful
And I'm Jealous
OK I know we are not “supposed” to be jealous. But I was a little bit.
A couple days ago, I went to the funeral of my granddaughter’s great-grandmother. For a long time, I have admired how my daughter co-parents with her daughter’s father. Although the relationship ended, they put the needs of my granddaughter ahead of what did not work for them. He is now engaged to a wonderful young lady who we love. Everyone gets along nicely, interacts positively, and loves my granddaughter purely.
I watched through the process of the funeral how they all interacted with each other. Laughing. Smiling. Supporting. Sharing space together. We stood together at the burial, and as we were leaving, a beautiful moment occurred. My daughter, granddaughter, her father and his future wife took a picture together. Then his mother got in the picture and invited me to join. That warmed my heart because I love peace and unity.
It brings me joy that my granddaughter does not have to experience the animosity a lot of children experience when their parents are not together.
So, why was I jealous?
When I decided to divorce after 28 years, the decision was based on the unhealthiness of the relationship between me and my then husband. What I did not desire was the end of our parenting relationship.
In my dreamy state, I envisioned us walking away from the marriage owning the responsibility for our parts in the dissolution. Our families remaining supportive and loving to both of us. Our children having equal access to their parents and joint moments of celebrating the important milestones in their lives; where the unity of our love for them would cancel out all animosity.
What I did not envision was new people entering the equation imposing their views of divorce and having the power to create animosity and division. I did not envision my character being put into question. I knew those things were possible, but they did not appear on my vision board. I was hopeful and experienced disappointment when my desires did not become reality.
In my humanity, it makes sense that a tiny bit of jealousy would arise, but what I felt most was joy and a renewed sense of hope for humanity. While I do wish my situation turned out differently, I celebrate those that do it well.
I do wish that was my experience. I wish I had been able to do what my daughter has done. I admire her. She rises above.
It’s a beautiful day when your daughter inspires you and gives you hope for humanity even when you do not get what you want. You can be jealous. Acknowledge it. But be intentional on how you process it and what you do with those emotions.
No emotion is bad. Emotions are data. There to tell you something. What my jealousy has taught me in this instance is that it is time for me to accept what is. My situation did not materialize in the way I had hoped, but I get to see the next generation of my legacy be better and do better than we did.
That is success!
With Power and Purpose,
Trini