This is Why I Tell the Truth
Trusting you will too.
Hi there,
Why do you think I share my story with you in these Letters? Why expose intimate details of my life?
Because in 2017, when it was clear that my mother’s life was coming to an end, I heard God say that it is time to tell the truth. I have learned to trust my recognition of divine guidance when it speaks. So I listened.
This was about a year before she passed in 2018, and I was considering what I would say at her funeral. She had directed my brother and me to deliver her eulogy. Some may find the pre-planning morbid or premature, but when your family owned a funeral home for most of your life, death becomes real, manageable, and part business. You learn how to separate your grief from the work at hand. Mom even sat us down to create the menu she wanted at the repast. There was joy on her face as she imagined the meal, so we had to remind her that she would not be there to eat that day, LOL. Mom loved her candied yams, greens, and red rice.
Back to the truth.
In my limited understanding of the message I had received, time to tell the truth felt like a singular event — mom’s funeral. So I focused there. And on the day of her memorial service, I told the truth. I told the truth about how, in so many ways, she was a loving and phenomenal woman. I thanked those who had supported us through her illness. I even celebrated my then-husband for being an amazing son-in-law to her. And then I told the truth no one talks about at funerals: how hard it is to care for your ailing parent. How much support is needed during that time. I encouraged the audience to check in on caregivers, because there are real challenges.
I did not go into all the details but it was difficult watching her life being depleted day after day until she became a shell of who she once was. Seeing the pain in her face as her dignity was stripped because her body betrayed her. No one prepares you to become the parent of your parent. It is a paradigm shift that shakes the foundation of everything you thought you knew. I shared respectfully, but I did tell the truth.
Why does this matter? Because people need to know it is okay to say “this is hard.” The fact that life can be challenging, demanding, and depleting at times does not negate your love, your goodness, or your strength. Maybe by telling my story, someone in that church stopped feeling guilty about the resentment they were carrying. The overwhelm that made them angry. The loneliness of being isolated as a caregiver. That day was the beginning of my call to Tell the Truth.
After ending my marriage of 28 years, remembering who I truly am, and being guided into the work of women’s self-leadership, telling the truth has continued to be the theme of what I am called to be and do in the world. This is so you can see the power, the freedom, and the impact of it. Hiding behind the mask, isolating and suffering alone will not benefit you or the calling on your life.
I will keep sharing my truth with you. So that one day you will accept my invitation to tell yours. And when you do, you will experience the freedom, the healing, and the growth I have come to know as home.